What To Do When You Re Lonely – In fact, studies have shown that it is associated with depression, psychological stress, inflammation, heart disease, and other chronic health conditions. [1] Absher, D. A., Graves, J. M., Amiri, S., Williams-Gilbert, V. (2020). Differences in loneliness across the rural-urban continuum among adults living in Washington state. Journal of Rural Health, 38(1), 187–193. https://doi.org/10.1111/jrh.12535
Being in a relationship saves you from loneliness. After all, having a partner means you have someone to share your holidays with, someone to lean on when you’re stressed, and someone to live your life through the good and the bad.
What To Do When You Re Lonely
But being married or in a long-term relationship doesn’t necessarily protect you from loneliness. If you’re feeling lonely in your relationship, there are some basic reasons to consider.
What To Do If You’re Feeling Lonely In A Relationship
Below, learn the signs and factors that contribute to loneliness in relationships, and what you can do to stop feeling lonely.
Everyone probably has a general idea of what loneliness means, but you might think that it’s impossible to feel lonely if you’re in a romantic relationship. While this may seem logical, the reality is that even if you’re married or in a long-term partnership, you can still suffer from loneliness.
If you’re not sure if you’re truly lonely, it can be helpful to understand some of the signs of loneliness in relationships. [2] Hughes, M.E., Vaite, L.J., Hockley, L.C., Cacioppo, J. T. (2004). A short scale for measuring loneliness in a large study: Results from two population-based studies. Aging Research, 26(6), 655–672. https://doi.org/10.1177/0164027504268574
The above signs indicate that you don’t feel emotionally connected or supported, and you may feel lonely even if you have a partner.
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Feeling lonely even though you’re in a relationship can be confusing. You may see happy couples around you and worry that you are doing something wrong.
The truth is, there are various reasons for loneliness, some of which can directly affect your relationship and can lead to loneliness even if you’re with a long-term partner.
We all have emotional needs in our relationships. These may include factors such as acceptance, love, open communication, gratitude, and quality of time spent together.
You can feel lonely if you don’t feel heard or if your partner or loved one doesn’t respect or give you space for your feelings. – Dr. Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Social Worker (LSW), Mental Health Writer Click to publish
The Psychology Of Loneliness: Why You’re Lonely And What To Do About It
This problem can occur if you repeatedly communicate your needs to your partner and they ignore you. For example, you could say that you prioritize spending time together, but your phone interrupts you every night.
Attachment problems in childhood can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness in relationships. As children, it is important for us to develop healthy emotional bonds with our parents and guardians.
When we trust our caregivers, like them, and feel safe and valued, we develop what is called a secure attachment.
On the other hand, if a parent or primary caregiver is aloof, inconsistent, or abusive, insecure attachment may occur as the person realizes that they cannot rely on their loved one to care for them. born.
Six Things That You Can Do When You’re Feeling Lonely
Unfortunately, this insecure attachment pattern continues into adulthood, including in romantic relationships. Research shows that insecure attachment patterns are associated with poorer relationship quality and increased feelings of loneliness in relationships. [3] Givertz, M., Voszidlo, A., Segrin, C., Knutson, K. (2013). Direct and indirect effects of attachment orientation on marital relationship quality and loneliness. Journal of Social and Personal Relations, 30(8), 1096–1120. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407513482445
Loneliness in a relationship means that one or both of you need to make some effort on yourself. – Dr. Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Social Worker (LSW) and Mental Health Writer Click to Post 3. You Broke Up
Long-term relationships require effort. In the initial stage, also known as the honeymoon stage, everything takes its course. I can’t wait to spend time with you and you’ll never be bored.
Making long-term commitments can start to drive you and your loved one apart. Maybe you’re not putting in the same effort or you’re too comfortable with each other.
I’m Feeling Sad (or Lonely). Am I Depressed? — Jane Rubin, Phd Clinical Psychologist
Over time, these factors can lead you to take each other for granted. Other people and activities begin to take priority, leading to emotional distance and feelings of isolation.
Surprisingly, some of us are loners by nature. In fact, research related to the genetics of loneliness has found that genetics contributes between 40% and 50% to the occurrence of loneliness. [4] Spithoven, A., Cacioppo, S., Goossens, L., Cacioppo, J. T. (2019). Genetic contributions to loneliness and their relevance to the evolutionary theory of loneliness. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 14(3), 376–396. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691618812684
Although the exact rates may vary between studies, there is a strong consensus among scientists that loneliness has a genetic component.
If you have a natural tendency to feel lonely, it may be helpful to have your partner fill in the gaps. – Dr. Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Social Worker (LSW) and Mental Health Writer Click to publish
You Can Feel Lonely Even If There Are People Around — The New Happy
When your spouse or long-time lover meets your emotional needs, provides companionship, and serves as your life partner, they meet all of your needs.
For example, it is important to maintain your hobbies and develop other relationships, such as with friends, relatives, children. If you tend to be lonely, rely on your partner to fill the void and meet all your needs.
In this case, the partner will have to develop his own hobbies and friendships, which will not be possible. Over time, you may feel lonely if your partner spends time alone or with hobbies that don’t interest you.
Healthy communication greatly contributes to the strength of a relationship. In fact, research shows a correlation between long-term relationship satisfaction and communication. [5] Ravner, J. A., Carney, B. R., Bradbury, T. N. (2016). Does marital communication predict marital satisfaction, or does communication predict marital satisfaction? Journal of Marriage and Family, 78(3), 680–694. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12301
What To Do In The Moment When You Feel Lonely + 3 Things Not To Do
Couples should discuss their needs, wants, and long-term goals. It’s also important to communicate about misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and small issues before they turn into big problems.
A lack of communication between you and your partner may make you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you. Or maybe the two of you feel distant because you don’t talk or share a vision for the future.
Overall, even if you’re in a long-term relationship, a lack of communication can make you feel lonely.
If you’re feeling lonely, you may want to learn how to stop feeling lonely in your relationships. Here are some solutions that can get you back on track so that your relationship feels healthy again and you don’t feel hopeless.
Help! I’m Lonely
Loneliness can arise because you are dependent on your partner to meet all your needs. If so, you might be able to learn how to actually enjoy solitude.
Instead of tying happiness and contentment solely to your relationship, take time to explore your interests. Return to hobbies you enjoyed before getting into a committed relationship or spending time with old friends.
When you and your partner spend time exploring your interests, you’ll find that the time you spend together as a couple is more meaningful. – Dr. Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Social Worker (LSW), Mental Health Writer, Consult Partner Click to Post
Relationships need to be a safe place to express your emotions and be vulnerable with your significant other. If you feel alone, speak up. Your partner may not realize that you feel lonely.
What To Do When You Feel Lonely
Sit down and talk when you’re free and in a generally positive mood. Avoid accusations and insults. Simply say you’re feeling lonely and tell your partner why you need to feel more connected, whether it’s spending an hour of quality time together every night or going on a weekly date.
As a couple, you can make plans to reconnect. This may include traveling together, scheduling regular check-ins, and making intentional efforts to increase your presence with each other.
We have a variety of educational classes for couples. Some of these are available online as DIY modules, while others take the form of weekend workshops or retreats.
Explore the many options and find what’s right for you. Some counseling and therapy centers also offer education sessions for couples.
Are You Feeling Lonely When You Weep?
No matter what format you choose, knitting classes are effective. Research shows that these classes can improve relationship satisfaction by teaching important concepts like healthy communication and maintaining realistic expectations. [6] Halford, W. K., Bodenman, G. (2013). The effects of relationship education on maintaining couples’ relationship satisfaction. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(4), 512–525. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2013.02.001
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